Love and acceptance

I took my niece and my daughter's to see beauty and the beast this weekend. Well actually, my husband took us.  I was so incredibly excited to see it. As a nine year old girl this was my favorite movie. I felt like I was a Belle. Later on in life, I would find out it was true. I was disheartened to see the reviews and find out that one of the characters in the movie identified as a gay man. I was disheartened becuase, well so many Christians were up in arms about it. "How could Disney do this to a classic movie?" "now I can't take my kids to see, this movie I was so excited about".
   We went to see the movie anyway, I read every review I could find and I made my choice. In my house we talk about everything age appropriately. In this house we preach love. We don't preach tolerance, we don't preach acceptance we preach love. We believe that this love can only come from our Heavenly Father. We preach we aren't so good at displaying this love on our own. It's the Holy Spirit that teaches us.it is the Holy Spirit that guides us. After all, it is only through grace we are saved isn't it?
   Here is the thing that makes me so angry and sad about Christians and the way they "deal" with homosexuality, the Bible speaks of the sin  of divorce, it speaks of the sin  of lust, and gluteny , I bet you look at the list you will find something on it you deal with as well. How is okay that church memebers go to a dinner after service and stuff thier faces full of food, and forget the hungry? How is okay to then go on and on about Tom and Steve". "Oh my God Tom slept over at steve,s place last night". Oh but did you know sister James's daughter slept over at Tom's  last night"?  I am not perfect but seriously how is one okay and not the other?"
     I watched the movie, it made the character very likeable, it made him seem sad, he was trying to find some confidence and acceptance in his relationship with one of the main characters. You almost wanted to smile and clap when he found a male companion on the end. After all, Gaston was so mean and hurtful to him. He deserves something better. It did ruin the movie for me. It ruined the movie for me on this, we all deserve God's love and grace. We deserve to know we are loved and cared for by afar greater than a human companion.
     It made me sad. I was happy for Belle and the beast, I was happy that the characters were human agian and could love. I laughed. I cried when Belle walked into the library and realized that prince Adam had been well versed and loves to read as well. I rejoiced when the beast realized he loved Belle that he capable of loving a human.
    Whatever you decide to do, if you watch the movie or not, please, please, please. Realize that real love comes from the father. We are to be projecting this love to those around us. Think of your actions and your words as you go about your day.  Find a loner confused person and make sure you know someone loves them with alive far greater than any human could be.

Drama, and a family.

        So we find ourselves  alone a lot. i am just now realizing how strange it is to be home most of the time and go out on the weekends. My home is my full time job,  I live here so instead of it being a calm situation, a lot of the time it's like I never leave work. The balance between comforts of home and work of home are extremely blended here .Most of the time i am okay with that.  I am okay with going out on the weekends (which for us is Saturday night and Sunday. ) most of the time i am okay just being with my family. I am okay snuggling and spoiling my dog. I am okay with pretending my cats would still love me even if  I didn't feed them. (Cats only care about food, it's the one thing they live for. )
     I find myself typing this so i can tell you one thing, Please understand that when you are a friend of someone who has a child that requires a lot of care and consideration the parents are exhausted most of the time.  I am so grateful and i sincerely appreciate every thing you do. please don't ever feel stupid for offering to help with anything. Even if it's something we can't do we are so grateful you ask.  We have two kids, we always keep both in mind when we are considering something for them to do.
  My child who needs a lot of attention and care isn't stupid she knows she has a few challenges that makes life hard for her. she knows her mama is exhausted. She knows her sister is stressed. She also knows she can't do what he sister can right now. It breaks her heart, It breaks mine. we make a lot of choices based on the entire family. My children also have identities  of their own. This year we chose to let the little sister get some extra care. She has come first in a lot of the choices we have made. big sister gets to tag along to appointments every week when i am sure she would rather do something else. Big sister chooses to take it. She choses to sit and wait while she watches her sister get to play and be with other kids. the truth is, big sister has gotten a lot. She has gotten to go to co op classes while her little sister was at home with mom. People step to help big sister and i am so grateful. big sister has a chance to live a life outside of her sister.
    One day, I hope we can find a place for all of us to be happy. For all of us to have a place with friends and family. A place that we can be comfortable. All of us. At the beginning of this school year, i chose to have a family that made choices together. I chose to find a place we can all be happy together. I hope that's not in vain. I guess i am at the point now, I realize it might just not happen. I am not okay with splitting us up one night even if it is just a few hours a week. I understand about sleep overs and being away from the parents. one at a time is fine.
    We work as a team. We have to. I am hanging on to the arms of each one of my family members I am just too weak to do anything alone even if it is just to take one kid to a class and find something else for another kids to do. It might not be the wisest of choices. but it's where I find my strength and my sanity. and yes, my oldest is okay. She loves her sister and understands. Just in case i am setting some appointments up for her to see a therapist. It's a lot for a kid to take in. She is healing as well. this is her normal and i don't think she completely understands how hard it is. She just trucks through it. my kids are incredibly spoiled and we do all that we can to let them both know that are amazing. It's a strange place we have found ourselves in, but i am hell bent on finding what ever it is we need. We will find our place, and we will do it together,

People talk about doing good you know the Pay it forward. Everyone talks about the blessings and feeling awesome inside when a good deed has been accomplished. It seems no one wants to tell you the road is hard. You choose to do the right thing because it's the right thing to do. You don't do it because it feels good. Sometimes You don't go ahead and tip the waitress because it feels good. You do it because it's the right thing to do.
     This past year has been a huge struggle for me. We chose to do somethings we felt God asked us to do. The scary thing is that it involved giving a lot of money up. It also included doing a very kind thing for a family that needed some hope. It was a hard choice to make but we felt like we couldn't hold back when God told us to give. I honestly thought time would pass faster than it has, I honestly thought God was going to magically send us a huge check in the mail to cover all of this.
We have even had to change or give up plans we had made for our kids and a vacation.
I am not saying we weren't blessed we were. People have given us money and my parents practically gave us the mini van they paid off after they bought a newer one. The blessing just didn't come the way I thought they would..
      I ended up going to the chiropractor for a few months. Paying out of pocket. I ended up going to the orthodontist twice, and buying a crazy expensive mouth guard. My car blew a piston ring. We still owe money on that car. We did get a paid raise at work. We do get ocassionally see some money handed to us.  I am greatful to my inlaws and my parents for taking up some of the slack finically for us.
   We are still blessed, I still feel good knowing we do the right thing. I do however know sometimes the blessing don't come the way we think they should. Sometimes we wait and we know God,'s blessings are better than what we expect. Just know that sometimes it really does physically hurt to do the right thing.